“What are your plans for next year?”

Ugh that question has been throwing my brain into spirals for the past three months. Everyone at my university has to figure out their living situations in January/February/March, which means most students are desperately trying to find friends to room with for the following year. This leads to people contacting each other and incessantly asking what plans they’ve made for the future.

Each time I get asked,  my brain floods with billions of thoughts and I reach an odd state of paralysis. I explain to them that I am taking a leave, and then I attempt to depict the adventure I am diving into. That’s the part I enjoy talking about – it brings great images to my mind, and my thoughts start to drift off as I speak about the wonders I will be seeing and how much of a life changing experience this trip will be for me.

But then, they ask, “wait, so what are you going to do when you come back? Don’t you think it’s crazy to stop your education midway? Aren’t you going to get homesick? What do you even know about half of the places you will be visiting?”

Their skepticism throws me off, the whimsical visions of adventures come to a halt,  and I become nervous. What will I do when I come back? Will any of my friends still want to live with me? Will my friends even care about me anymore? Will I remember anything from my classes?

GAHHHHHH!!!

I let those thoughts crawl under my skin. I acknowledge that the trip is a huge step into the unknown. That’s already a lot for me to juggle and think about, but I have had a long time to think about it, and I thought I had found peace. However, this whole new set of questions has been driving me nuts.

I have no idea what will happen a year from now, but why do I need to worry about that now? Those things sort themselves out! Yes, I am nervous that I am going to be heading to places that I am unfamiliar with, but isn’t that the point? I am going to grow immensely from this trip, more than I have ever been able to in my entire lifetime. Next time someone asks me about what I’m doing when I come back I’ll answer with a shrug and, “That’s a question for another year”.

Overall, I can’t quite put my emotions into words, but I think “nervous” and “excited” both can sum up what I am feeling right now, and I certainly do not need to start worrying about what will happen when I come back. I haven’t even left yet!!!